If your child suddenly refuses to go to daycare, there may be many reasons for this. From separation anxiety to bullying to changes in the family, we shed light on the causes and show how parents and educators can work together to find a solution to the strike.
In modern society, attending a daycare center or kindergarten plays an indispensable role in a child’s development. For various reasons, be it professional or social integration, many families choose this educational path. But how do parents and educators react when a child who is accustomed to daycare suddenly reacts adversely and refuses to attend?
To answer this question comprehensively, it is necessary to look at it from a multidisciplinary perspective. From a developmental psychology point of view, children go through various phases of independence and dependence. For example, a child might develop a temporary daycare aversion due to a past negative experience at daycare or a developmental phase in which they are more attached to their primary caregivers.
In addition, neuropsychological factors could play a role. The child’s brain is constantly changing and is particularly sensitive to environmental stimuli. An excess of stimuli or a sudden change in the familiar structure can trigger stress reactions. In this case, neurotransmitters such as cortisol, which is released in stressful situations, could show an increased value.
Sociological aspects should not be ignored either. Peer behavior, the occurrence of conflicts or bullying, and the relationship with teachers are just a few of the many social variables that can influence a child’s well-being in daycare.
In such cases, it is advisable for parents and educators to maintain close communication and cooperation. Empirical studies show that adaptive intervention based on a strong parent-educator partnership can promote a child’s well-being and adaptability. Measures could include, for example, gradual (re)integration into the daycare center, working with a child psychologist, or introducing mediation strategies in the event of social conflict.
Background and context
Development of daycare systems worldwide
Daycare centers have existed in various forms for centuries. From informal community structures to formalized institutions, different cultures have recognized the importance of supporting children during their formative years. In recent decades, countries around the world have invested more in expanding daycare systems to promote early education and support parents who go to work. You can find a more in-depth examination of the historical development in this article.
The role of daycare in child development
Daycare has established itself as a crucial institution in the field of education in recent decades. It offers children not only care, but also comprehensive, early education, which has a significant impact on their later development.
Social skills and cognitive development
From a scientific point of view, daycare offers a unique environment for children to interact socially. Away from their families, they can interact, cooperate and even compete with their peers. Through these interactions, children learn important social skills such as empathy, cooperation and communication. Numerous studies show that children who are cared for in a high-quality daycare environment have better social skills and fewer behavioral problems at school.
In addition, daycare promotes children’s cognitive development. Alongside traditional educational content such as language, mathematics and science, it also fosters critical thinking skills, problem-solving strategies and creativity. An interdisciplinary approach to early education can help strengthen neural connections in children’s brains and promote cognitive flexibility.
Emotional and physical development
In terms of emotional development, daycare is often the first place where children learn to recognize, name and regulate their feelings. In this safe environment, they can develop their independence and develop a sense of self-worth and belonging. In addition, daycare also has an impact on children’s physical development. Through structured and free play times, it promotes motor skills and provides a platform for physical activity, which is essential for healthy growth and development.
Statistics on daycare attendance and satisfaction
The 2019 OECD Education Report presents interesting data on daycare attendance and parental satisfaction in the member countries. However, caution is advised when interpreting these statistics. The report shows that on average, 90% of four-year-olds attend preschool. But this average value can be misleading. In some countries, almost all four-year-olds could attend a daycare center, while in others it is significantly fewer. Stating the average value alone obscures such country-specific differences.
The same applies to satisfaction rates. It may sound impressive that up to 95% of parents in some countries report positive experiences. But what exactly does “positive experience” mean in the context of the respective countries? Cultural differences, different expectations or even the actual quality of the daycare centers could play a role here. A high satisfaction rate does not necessarily guarantee high daycare quality.
We should also be careful when comparing satisfaction rates between countries. The term “positive experience” can vary culturally, and the methodology of the survey could also differ. For example, in one country, a small dissatisfaction could already be considered a negative experience, while in another country, serious problems would be needed to get the same rating.
Finally, external factors could also influence satisfaction and attendance at daycare, such as the general availability of daycare places, costs, childcare standards or infrastructure. Perhaps in countries with high daycare attendance, there are simply more available places or lower costs for parents.
In short, although the OECD education report provides valuable information, we should always keep the context and potential causes behind the numbers in mind to interpret them correctly. It shows once again that looking at statistics alone is often not enough to get the full picture.
Reasons for sudden resistance
Separation anxiety and its developmental psychological background
Separation anxiety is a fundamental and universal phenomenon in child development. It is originally interpreted as a relic from our evolutionary past. It is assumed that children who show a close bond with their caregivers and fear separation had a higher chance of survival in the wild because they remained close to their protectors.
From a developmental perspective, separation anxiety can be divided into several phases. In infancy, particularly between the ages of 8 and 14 months, the so-called “stranger phase” often occurs, which is characterized by a strong attachment to the primary caregiver and a shyness towards strangers. This is a normal stage in the development of attachment security.
While many people believe that this fear subsides by preschool age, it is not uncommon for older children to experience periods of increased separation anxiety. At such times, they may be hesitant to visit places they previously enjoyed on their own, such as daycare. It is important to understand that such phases do not necessarily indicate a regression in development. Rather, they can be triggered by various stressors in a child’s life. These include, for example, the loss of a beloved pet, a move, the birth of a sibling or changes in the family structure.
Freud’s psychoanalytic approach understands separation anxiety as a manifestation of the so-called Oedipus complex, in which the child develops competing feelings towards the parents. Although this approach is controversial, it highlights the profound emotional dynamics that can occur in childhood.
Recent research in neuroscience has shown that separation events, even short-term ones, can cause measurable changes in a child’s stress hormones. This shows how profound the effects of separation anxiety can be, not only psychologically but also physiologically.
Overall, it is crucial to understand the phenomenon of separation anxiety in all its complexity and depth and to accept that it is a normative part of child development. Nevertheless, it is important to pay attention to significant or persistent signs of separation anxiety and, if necessary, to seek professional help to optimally support the child in his or her development.
Social challenges: friendships and bullying in daycare
The interaction of children in a community such as the daycare center is a microcosm of human interactions. This is where the first steps into the social world are taken, and children often face a variety of challenges that shape their emotions and behavior. A change in the composition of the group, the loss of a friend or problems with other children can lead to resistance to attending daycare.
Friendships
In the early years, friendships are not just playmates; they are a crucial part of social learning. Through interactions with peers, children acquire important skills such as sharing, negotiating, and empathy. Forming and maintaining friendships promotes self-esteem and gives the child a sense of belonging.
But friendships are dynamic. They can end as quickly as they begin, especially in an environment like daycare, where changes – such as children coming and going – are frequent. The end of a friendship or the challenge of forming a new one can be emotionally stressful for a child, causing insecurity, sadness or even resistance to attending daycare.
Bullying
While the term ‘bullying’ is often associated with school children, the sad truth is that such harmful behavior can start at a younger age. Daycare centers are no exception. Bullying in this context can take various forms, from physical confrontations to more subtle but equally damaging behaviors such as social exclusion.
The study conducted by Monks et al. (2003) highlights how bullying behaviors can emerge at an early age. It is important to recognize that the psychological impact of such experiences can be profound. A child who is bullied at daycare may develop fears and aversions that extend well beyond these early years.
In conclusion, it is important to emphasize that the social challenges and experiences that children face in daycare can have both positive and negative effects on their development. It is the responsibility of educators, parents and the community to create a safe and supportive environment in which children can grow and learn.
Changes in the child’s environment
A wide range of changes can occur in a child’s life that affect their emotional balance. These are crucial turning points, often difficult to predict, that can have a profound impact on a child’s psyche.
Family changes
The family structure is the primary environment in which a child feels safe and secure. Any change within this system – be it the arrival of a new sibling, the separation of the parents or the loss of a beloved family member – can have a significant impact on the child. These events can shake the child’s emotional foundation and lead to behavioral changes. It is therefore not surprising that during such phases the child’s need for security and continuity increases, which can manifest itself in increased resistance to changes such as attending daycare.
Moving house and changing surroundings
A change of residence can be a drastic experience for children that goes far beyond the physical change of location. A move means losing familiar things – from the usual environment to close friends and everyday routines. This transition into unknown territory can cause feelings of insecurity, sadness or fear. In particular, a change to a new daycare center, where everything feels unfamiliar, can be an additional burden for the child.
In summary, it can be said that changes in a child’s life can be accompanied by feelings of loss and insecurity. It is crucial that adults respond sensitively to these emotions and offer the child the support and stability needed to cope with such transitional phases.
Individual developmental phases and their effects
Children, like every individual, go through characteristic developmental phases that can have a profound impact on their emotional and behavioral response to the environment. In fact, anyone who works with children can observe how they move through different stages, with the most famous example probably being the often-cited “terrible twos”. But is it really that simple? And what can we derive from an understanding of these phases?
A critical look at the defiant phase
The so-called “defiant phase” is often described as a time when children begin to discover and emphasize their autonomy. However, it is important to keep in mind that this phase is not the same for every child and the degree of resistance to routines can vary. Some children might attend daycare without any issues during this phase, while others might show significant resistance. Therefore, this term should be used with caution and with consideration for individual differences.
Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development
Erik Erikson, a renowned developmental psychologist, identified eight stages of psychosocial development, each of which is associated with a particular crisis and a central conflict. From ages 3 to 6, when most children attend daycare, they go through the stage of “initiative versus guilt”. In this stage, children try to gain power and control over their environment, and they might feel resistance to daycare as a form of loss of control.
Nevertheless, there are also points of criticism. Some researchers argue that Erikson’s stages are too rigid and that not all children go through exactly the same crises at the same stages of life. The stage “initiative against guilt” describes, as previously mentioned, a period in which children begin to influence their environment. The need for control and autonomy is strong in this phase, and yes, this could be one of the causes of resistance to attending daycare. However, it is crucial to emphasize that not every child experiences this phase in the same way or with the same intensity.
Individual developmental phases provide insight into the complexity of child development. Nevertheless, they should not be considered as rigid or universal models. It is of central importance to consider each child as a unique individual with their own experiences and reactions to the environment, and not exclusively through the lens of pre-made models and theories.
The role of resilience and coping strategies in children
Resilience
Resilience, also known as “psychological toughness,” is more than just the ability to recover from setbacks. It is a whole bundle of abilities and characteristics that enable an individual to effectively cope with both current and future challenges.
Developing resilience is especially important in children as they learn and grow in an ever-changing environment. Research has shown that resilient children not only respond better to immediate challenges, but also develop healthier lifestyle habits over time, are less susceptible to mental illness, and have better social skills.
Resilience can be influenced by genetic factors, the family environment, attachment experiences and social support systems. It is important to emphasize that resilience can be developed and nurtured, with a supportive environment and positive relationships with trusted adults being key factors.
Coping strategies
Coping strategies are the individual tactics and techniques that an individual uses to deal with stressful situations and challenges. In children, these strategies can range from more simple methods, such as distraction or play, to more complex techniques, such as reflecting on and talking through their feelings.
Developmental psychology has identified different coping strategies that come into play in different age groups. For example, younger children tend to rely on more concrete, behavior-based strategies, while older children are more likely to use cognitive strategies, such as restructuring thoughts.
Fostering effective coping strategies is of central importance as they influence not only a child’s immediate response to stress but also their long-term mental health and well-being. It is therefore important to encourage and support children in discovering and strengthening their own coping skills, and to give them the tools to adapt to different environments and challenges.
Resilience and coping strategies are crucial factors in a child’s development. By developing a better understanding of these concepts and promoting them in education, we can help children to adapt effectively to changes and challenges and lead healthy and fulfilling lives.
Educational perspectives
The role of parents
In child development, parents are often the primary caregivers and significantly influence how a child responds to different situations. Their attitudes, parenting styles, and communication methods can directly impact how a child handles challenges, such as resistance to daycare. Research shows that a secure attachment, built through positive interactions, understanding and support between parent and child, is one of the key factors in a child’s successful adaptation to change and development of resilience.
Furthermore, modern parenting theories emphasize the importance of consistent but empathetic parenting that respects and promotes the child’s autonomy. By building a trusting relationship and communicating openly, parents can help children feel safe expressing their feelings and finding solutions to their fears and challenges.
The role of educators
In preschools and other educational institutions, teachers play a central role in a child’s development. They are not only observers, but also active creators of a child’s learning and developmental environment. Their pedagogical skills, combined with a deep understanding of developmental psychology, enable them to recognize behavioral changes and respond appropriately.
Studies have shown that the quality of the relationship between educators and children is essential for a child’s educational success and well-being. A positive, supportive relationship can help children feel safe and valued in the daycare environment. In addition, educators can have a positive impact on a child’s adaptability and resilience through their close work with parents and through targeted interventions and programs.
Strategies for parents
Establishing effective communication with the child
Communication is a key element in the relationship between parents and children. It not only enables parents to understand their children’s needs and concerns, but also to build a trusting bond. Research in developmental psychology emphasizes the importance of active listening. Here, parents should give their full attention to the child without jumping to conclusions or suggesting solutions. This fosters an open conversational climate in which the child feels safe to share their true feelings and thoughts.
In addition, experts recommend techniques such as emotional mirroring, in which parents verbalize the child’s feelings (“You seem sad today.”) and ask open-ended questions to help the child recognize and articulate their feelings more accurately.
Collaborating with daycare staff
Proactively working with teachers and other daycare staff is crucial to ensuring the child’s well-being and addressing potential challenges. Recent studies in the field of early childhood education show that a strong partnership between parents and teachers can have a positive impact on a child’s social, emotional, and academic development.
Parents can benefit from the expertise of the staff by regularly seeking feedback and developing joint strategies to support the child. This could include, for example, joint behavioral interventions, sharing resources, or developing transition rituals to ease the child into starting daycare.
Influence of siblings – a supportive role
In family structures where multiple children are growing up, sibling relationships significantly influence the social and emotional development of each child. According to developmental psychologists, siblings often provide the first opportunity to develop social skills, resolve conflicts, and practice empathy.
Older siblings often have a natural role as mentors and supporters of their younger siblings. This role can be particularly helpful when younger children are introduced to new environments such as daycare. The experiences and stories of the older siblings about daycare can help to alleviate the younger child’s fears and insecurities.
In addition, studies have shown that children who already have older siblings in a facility often adapt more quickly to the daycare environment. This is not only due to the physical presence of the older sibling, but also because the younger child has already been indirectly familiarized with the daycare environment through stories, role-playing and activities with the older sibling.
However, it should be noted that not all sibling relationships are the same. In some cases, competition or jealousy between siblings may arise, which could pose additional challenges in new environments such as daycare. It is therefore important to consider each child individually and to adapt support according to the specific needs and relationships in the family.
Strategies for educators
Recognizing signs of stress or discomfort in children
Teachers are on the front line when it comes to promoting children’s well-being and ability to adapt in the daycare environment. It is therefore crucial that they are able to recognize and respond to signs of stress or discomfort in children. Research in childhood education shows that continuous observation and documentation of children’s behavior can help to identify patterns and plan targeted interventions. Training in child development and psychology can help educators to better interpret the signals and take action at an early stage.
Induction strategies in the daycare center
Transitioning to daycare or a change within the daycare environment can be a stressful time for children. Therefore, a structured familiarization process is crucial to make this transition as smooth as possible. The Berlin familiarization model, developed in the 1980s, has proven to be effective and is used in many institutions worldwide. However, recent research shows that customizing the model to each child and their specific needs can further improve the familiarization process.
Furthermore, experts recommend involving parents in the settling-in process, as they provide a familiar and reassuring presence for the child. An active dialogue between educators and parents can help develop joint strategies and foster the child’s adaptability during this critical period. It may also be useful to explore and implement other child-centered approaches that support the settling-in process.
Cultural differences and their implications
Variance in ECEC practices worldwide
Around the globe, there are significant differences in pedagogical practices, educational philosophies, and expectations of preschoolers. These differences often reflect deeply ingrained cultural values and norms. In Scandinavian countries, which emphasize the value of nature and the autonomy of the child, a significant portion of the ECEC day may be spent outdoors, with a focus on free play and exploring the natural world. By contrast, some Asian countries, which value academic excellence and discipline, emphasize early learning and academic preparation.
Children often internalize the cultural norms and values of their family and community from an early age. This influences their expectations of the daycare and how they respond to the activities offered. A child from a culture that emphasizes group work and collaboration may feel less comfortable in a daycare environment that emphasizes individual achievement.
Adjusting to cultural differences
For children who are immigrants or who move between cultural contexts, transitioning to a new early childhood education and care environment can be especially challenging. These children not only have to learn a new routine and environment, but also navigate between their family’s cultural expectations and those of the early childhood education and care setting. It is crucial that educators are aware of the cultural backgrounds of the children in their care and develop strategies to support these children in the early childhood education and care environment. This could be done by incorporating culturally relevant activities, celebrations, and materials.
Close contact with the children’s families is essential to bridging cultural differences. Parents can provide valuable insights into cultural norms, values, and expectations. This knowledge can help educators create a more inclusive and respectful environment for all children.
Summary
In modern society, daycare or kindergarten has a fundamental significance in a child’s development. Daycare centers have existed in various forms for centuries, although in recent decades there has been a global trend towards investing in the expansion of these facilities. These institutions not only serve an educational purpose, but also support working parents.
For most children, daycare is their first experience outside of their home, where they form social bonds and learn crucial life skills. Despite high enrollment rates – according to the 2019 OECD report, an average of 90% of four-year-olds attend such an institution – there are cases in which children suddenly no longer want to go to daycare. There are many reasons for this.
Developmental psychology indicates that periods of increased separation anxiety can also occur in children who already attend daycare. This can be caused by circumstances such as the loss of a pet, moving house or the birth of a sibling. In addition, social challenges in the daycare environment, such as the loss of a friend or bullying, can cause a child to no longer want to go to daycare. In this context, it is important to emphasize that bullying can start as early as preschool, as the study by Monks et al. (2003) shows.
Other possible causes include changes in the family environment, such as the birth of a sibling or the divorce of the parents. Moving house can also be a strain for a child. Such events can disrupt a child’s emotional balance and cause an increased need for security.
Each child also goes through individual developmental phases that can influence their reactions. The famous “terrible twos” are one example of this. Erik Erikson, a well-known developmental psychologist, identified several stages of psychosocial development. Children in the “initiative against guilt” stage may perceive attending daycare as a loss of control.
It is also important to consider psychological resilience and coping strategies. A child with high resilience is likely to respond better to challenges, while fostering healthy coping strategies can help them adapt to the daycare environment.
Parents and educators play a central role in this process. Open communication, both at home and at daycare, is crucial. Strategies for integration and familiarization, such as the Berlin familiarization model, can facilitate the transition. Older siblings can also help younger children feel comfortable in daycare.
Finally, it should be noted that daycare centers around the world function differently. Cultural differences in daycare practice can influence a child’s perception and experience. Particular sensitivity and support is needed for children who move between cultural contexts.
In summary, while daycare plays a crucial role in child development, a variety of factors can influence a child’s resistance to attending. An inclusive and sensitive approach that takes into account the child’s individual needs is crucial. It is essential that parents and educators work together and communicate closely. Measures such as gradual familiarization, conversations about the child’s feelings, involving siblings as support, or even specialized educational interventions can help to ease the transition and make the daily daycare experience easier for the child. It is important to take the child’s signals seriously and to respond individually to their needs and fears.
